I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
