I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
