I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
