mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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