I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
