You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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