too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
