why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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