I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
