Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
