Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Even my vagina gasped.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
