You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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