For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
