Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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