we're blogging at a bar
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
