arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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