yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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