Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
