I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
