NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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