who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
