butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize