Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize