You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
