i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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