I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
