Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
