you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
