It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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