I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
