The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
