I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
