I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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