and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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