grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
