I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
