i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
