There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
