Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
