he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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