All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
