I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What a dumb baby whore.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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