found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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