Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
