I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
