SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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