you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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