Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
