Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
