he thought i was a dude.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize