careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
