the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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