someone owes me an orgasm
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
