Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
