She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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