my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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