He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize