I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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