Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
