That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
