based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
