Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
