At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
