My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
