you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
